His treasure in earthen vessels...

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.~2 Corinthians 4:7

I believed and therefore I spoke...(2 Corinthians 4:13)

I believed so much in who you were to be that I spent time fashioning you with My heart & My hands. Like clay on a potter's wheel did I delicately spin you into existence and called you beautiful. With each purposeful spin did we ebb and flow. You easily molded into My hands trusting Me as you came to be. I knew you. I KNOW you better than you will ever know yourself no matter how long you search. You belonged to me before the world told you differently & I crafted you to bring Me glory. I created your strengths to be interweaved into your weaknesses so that at all times you would need Me. I never intended you to live without Me by your side. I purposed that we would always be as one. I love you so unconditionally that in your sin My love overwhelms you. You aren't unworthy. You are mine. Don't look away. Give me your gaze & I will win your heart. Nothing in the world can come close to the love I offer you freely. There is nothing you can do to stop this love because remember I held You first  & gave you my heart from the beginning. You aren't the one finding me my child because I've been pursuing you all along. Do you remember? What I sounded like? How my arms felt wrapped around you?  I want to remind you. I want to spend time alone with you so that you are never in doubt again in regards to who you are to Me. Separation & distraction are satan's tools of choice. Don't buy into them. Do not tear apart what I crafted. Let me love you & receive My forgiveness as you repent and turn to Me once more. You were meant for Me. You waste your time filling "My void" in your heart with meaningless things.Come Back! You've wondered so far off. You were made for intimacy with Me. To be loved, adored, and to give love back. You have not messed up too much to turn it all around. I light the pathway to follow Me. Come Home my child your Father longs for you. My heart aches as the time passes and you aren't close to me once more. You are the object of My affection. I'll pursue you until the end...the only thing separating us being you. Look this way...let Me catch your eye. I sent My son to redeem you back to this place. His blood spilled for you because the space between us to far. Step into His sacrifice and see the collision of death to yourself & becoming alive in Me once more.

Vision: I saw Abba delighting as He created His sons & daughters. How He smiled & giggled with each little detail. I saw each one spin into something magnificent & He was pleased. There is not a one He does not ache to be closer to. He wants to lavish us with His love...

He believed therefore I listen to what He speaks.

Child like dreamer...

I, in my natural state, am fueled by passion, much of which can be detrimental to my well being if I don't keep my eyes on God. That's just the truth. As I child I had an imagination & dreamed big dreams. Encountering pain in my teenage years in a myriad of ways started the slow death of my willingness to dream in hopes for good in my life. Over the last 7 years of being fully surrendered to Christ I have endured much. Sometimes so much that fear stamped me. Not in a I won't serve God anymore type of way but in a I'm cautious and I certainly don't let myself get my hopes up. Well this year I felt the Lord ask me to rest in His love for me. I felt Him whisper several times that I would not lack anything and I would not toil or work in my own power for the things I hoped for. This would be difficult for me but God is faithful to His kids.

This afternoon the Holy Spirit used my 6 year old Lincoln to let me "feel" how much He hungers & desires for me to trust Him for good in my life. How He actually aches to give me good things & is on the edge of His seat saying YES Katie! Dream! Have fun! Enjoy my Presence because I'm waiting in anticipation for you!

Lincoln has a small kiddy pool. One that keeps him from "jumping" deep & restricts his adventurous side. The neighbors across the street have a nice sized pool. He sat out on the front porch in 100 degree weather longing to "swim in a big pool". He even gathered the courage to walk across the street in his swimsuit (of course as long as I accompanied him) to ask if he could swim. The little girl who lived there wasn't home so back to the front porch he went dismayed. This deeply began to grieve me in a way that I didn't expect. So I called around & thankfully found a friend of my older son who said yes to letting Lincoln swim. Here was his conditions. "Mom, if you won't swim with me then I'm not going. I want you to jump off that board at the end of the pool too." He went on & on with a grin so big my heart melt even more. It would be just he and I, free reign over a big pool. To be honest I'm still quick to tear up typing this because my boy was pursuing time not just for himself but with me. That was hitting a deep place inside. We arrived to the pool & immediately he jumps in & invites me in too. He encouraged me to get my hair wet & to see who could hold their breath the longest. He was so impressed when I dove off the diving board and to be perfectly honest I was too. My middle son, who happened to be already visiting his friend stopped by for a brief moment and said "wow mom, you look like you've done that before. Good job." I'm telling you this story tonight because as I fully engaged my son tonight I felt Holy Spirit encouraging me to let myself fully feel again. To let myself experience life just like I was tonight with a little boy who had dreams of jumping in a big pool. As my heart ached to find a pool for Lincoln so too was Holy Spirit eager to dream with me again. He wanted to accompany me through more laughs, more adventures, and spend time with me feeling free from the weight of the world.

What a gift of refreshing in the natural & in the spirit did the Holy Spirit deliver to me tonight through my sweet Linkylove. I did not expect that my heart could feel so full. I could have cared less what I looked like in my bathing suite or what a mess I had made of my hair or the mascara that smeared across my face. I floated in the sun & for moments at a time I felt overwhelmingly like God was smiling face to face with me. I was for once in a long time...carefree.

Has life gotten so overwhelming that you can't remember the last time you let yourself be a kid. There's something to child like faith. There is something about those who chose to follow after God & believe that the limit is so much further than the sky. Holy Spirit wants to speak to us about the world around us. He wants to release the Father's heart of hope over our hearts. He wants to show us greatness right under our noses that the heaviness of life has distracted us from...

"The sunrise, of course, doesn't care if we watch it or not. It will keep being beautiful, even if no one bothers to look at it." ~Gene Amole

Cause He's a good good Father...it's who You are and I am loved by You...it's who I am.

Don't miss out on the adventure God has given us called LIFE!

How to grow through resistance...

Most of my life as of late is met with a certain level of resistance. To be honest I live in a perpetual state of resistance and have since the moment I surrendered my life to Christ. I am just now grasping this physical/emotional occurrence in my life.  It would be best described as a tug bent towards running after Christ while being faced with my flesh that resists. The resistance isn't voluntary. To be honest it's my involuntary desire to fulfill my humanness that desires comfort, ease, and the safe route. Every day we awake, by an act of our will, we must choose to follow Jesus. By doing so it's a path set apart from the world and many times met with resistance inside. What I've learned is, it's ok to feel resistance but not ok when it manifest itself as anxiety, fear, or complacency. I believe the Lord was showing me that I can trust Him in the unknown and in the moments when nothing makes sense. Resistance should lead us to is the deep places of God. The moment the feelings begin to manifest we should take the signal to press in to the Lord
I can look back at my life and can confidently tell you every bit of resistance I faced was always the precursor to new growth in the Lord. He is so awesome, always teaching us something valuable. He also knows us so well that He knows exactly what needs to transpire to position us to grow. To be real honest this is where many of us miss the mark. We say yes to Jesus but run for cover the moment we face the least bit resistance. There is no way out of facing resistance head on if we truly want to follow Jesus. In these moments we must cling to the Word of God & declare victory. We have already won in Christ Jesus. The enemy has no power over us. We have authority over the accompanying thoughts & feelings he may attempt to oppress us with.

Resistance looks like...

being presented with forgiveness after a betrayal

wanting to forgive but not knowing how

trusting God for your future in uncertain times

releasing anger & resentment

denying the flesh

hearing the Word but not doing what it says

obeying when you don't really want to

needing answers

We thrive through resistance when we...

choose to forgive no matter how painful

look to the scriptures & lean on the Holy Spirit for direction on how to forgive

choosing to believe God only has good planned for us

submit to the authority of Jesus Christ in our lives & emotions

consider it a honor to lay down our lives for HIS

hearing & doing well according to the Spirit's direction according to the WORD

Obeying always no matter what

Seeking His face for the answers we need

We will all be faced with resistance at some point in time. I felt lead to share this with you because I know the Lord wants us to know that resistance isn't permanent and that we can surrender through it all. In pressing in we learn endurance & we know that "he who endures til the end shall be saved."(Matthew 24:13)

"And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and the words of our testimony. And they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die"(Revelation 12:11)

Let us not perceive resistance as a reason to quit or run but instead let us press on in Jesus name to lay hold of the prize. Let us see resistance as the white flag waving in the wind reminding us to seek out God in the matter & grow! Let us continue to grow through the hard stuff, the silly stuff, and blossom into the beautiful souls God destined us to be. Let us say like the Psalms "I run in the path of Your commands for You have set my heart free!" Let us bear witness of the Light of Jesus just like John did in all things. (See John 1:6-8)

photo from the web

From the depths of my heart,

Katie Joy

When faith requires depth...

I have neglected what I've been gifted to do for Christ. To write what I hear Him saying. So here I am having not written since February. That's 6 months. Half a year. In other words...way too long. I've been carrying heaviness much of the latter part of this week & tonight I laid it down & listened closely while my heart emptied itself at His feet. I just sat there with Him. Making sure I knew that He was as close as my heart beat. So tender & just is He. As I asked about the children being innocently murdered in Iraq...my question was WHY? He quickly answered "They are no less dear to my heart than the millions of children murdered every year in America." I could hear the hurt as He spoke & the absolute disgust about the topic. He cares for the children...All of His children. Not the ones we chose to keep but those who are thrown away like the weekly garbage. Those that are neglected so parents can fulfill their fleshly desires. He asks me "What about those children? Will you pray for them? Will you grieve for their souls too as you do those in Iraq?" I was humbled. I was ever so gently & lovingly rebuked. Wake up America. Wake up...what have we tolerated for so long that we no longer are grieved about? Why does it take a visual representation on the news to stir our hearts to pray for His purpose. Why are we not more eager to pray until breakthrough? Instead I have been guilty of watching the news & not handling the fear that started to sneak in. I am guilty of not immediately handing it back to Him & letting Him direct me how to pray sooner. This country needs the prayer warriors to stand up. We need the complacent to get really uncomfortable & to seek His face for their reason to be alive. As I opened my bible I turned by chance to 2 Samuel 22. Verse 5 jumped out at me "When the waves of death surround me, The floods of ungodliness made me afraid." That's it. That's the ticket. I've allowed what's going on in the world to make me afraid but instead of addressing it. I somehow internalized it & that brings confusion. I remember as a little girl if I was afraid, wounded, or hurt tears were my natural response. Now I have to search for those tears. Work through the emotions I often think I'm feeling but indeed it's the deep desire to weep. To weep because I don't know & sometimes things plain old hurt.  I can't tell the future but I know in whom my future is secure. I'm learning to not hesitate so long. To release it even when it's childlike tears because I'm scared. I was comforted as I read on in 2 Samuel 22 to verse 7"In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry entered His ears." Yes...when we worship(which was done in the temple towards God) His ears are opened & He hears me. He hears you.  David was speaking of God's deliverance from Saul & his enemies through His prayers & as he prayed that "The earth shook & trembled; the foundations of heaven quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry." Verse 9 "Smoke went up from His nostrils, and devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it." Verse 10 " He bowed the heavens also, and came down with darkness under His feet." Chapter 22 goes on to explain how God intervened for David, His beloved. Friends that is our God too! He hears as we pour out our hearts. Are you heavy laden? His burden is easy & His yoke is light...because He carries the burden of the load. He says "Give it to me! Give me what scares you & know that just like I did for David I will handle your enemies swiftly. You are my beloved. I hear your humble heart cry out for Me to intervene & I shall call you up to rest here with Me. Will you? Will you make it habit to spend this time with Me? Will you not hold on to thoughts so long?" You can trust Him. He gives peace that the world hasn't known. His will is to impart the Kingdom of Heaven through you, through me. I have procrastinated with the best of them, no longer. The world is wide open & in desperate need. We must continue to dig deeper. To sit before Him & let His love perfect us. You know doubting doesn't cease to exist until we believe Him. So like a child I will sit in expectation that what He said He will do. I don't have to be afraid, not ever. This is how faith establishes it's roots deep within the soil of our hearts. This is how we are taught how to love like Jesus. How to be obedient to His nudge. The world needs you. More than anything the world needs us to walk in His truth. Sons & Daughters of the Living God, all of heaven is waiting on You! Trust Him. He is a faithful Father...I call on His name and He hears me...boy does that bring this weary heart comfort tonight.

All my love,
Katie "Joy"

No one told me...

I asked for more of Jesus. To partake in His sufferings. To be given a heart to love like Him. To see with His eyes. To walk like Him & to take on His likeness. What I didn't expect. What they forget to tell you is that the rain will come, the wind will blow against your house, the hail will be so hard you think the roof might come down. No one told me the storm would rage all around me like it has. No one told me the affliction that would visit & make it's home with me. No one told me that the only way compassion is birthed is through the experience of loss. No one told me how lonely I would feel or how I would question my Savior the way I have I ashamedly admit. No one told me that the fire would get so hot that my only thoughts would be whirling around escape. No one told me that when I asked for more of Jesus that it came at such a high cost. No one mentioned the tangible pain that would visit so regularly for seasons on end. But can I be the one to tell you that it's all worth it. That no scheme of hell could intimidate this warrior. You see what I can tell you is only those who are willing to die truly live. What I can tell you is who you think you are is a shadow of who you are in Him. I can confidently tell you that you will not be utterly forsaken. What I will shout is His arm is not too short that it can not reach out to you. His ear not to deaf to hear your cry. I declare right now that you will move forward & walk out from that wilderness. I declare that the gift of His fire will leave you pure & spotless before the King. I speak the overflowing power of Yeshua course through your very blood supply & that your heartbeat be a reminder of His watch over your every move. I declare that fire fall & you endure until He has completed His work in you...

Come up higher...

Ponder with me for a moment…

If there is to be fruit in my life…I must completely die to self so that what is resurrected in the passing of my flesh (my way, my distorted thoughts, my strongholds) is truly BEAUTY for ashes.(Isaiah 61:3) For it is the Living Water provided in Jesus Christ that causes me to BLOOM in fullness & bear fruit, not for my glory but for the Father's alone. Pain often visits fruit bearers in the early days & unexpected times when we get complacent . Not to hurt us but to inflict enough disturbance that the hidden dark places of the heart are revealed & pruned away. I will tell you the way I have come to understand my Daddy God. When I am betrayed & have every reason to justifiably be hurt, He says my child forgive. I toss back & forth saying BUT what about me? He lovingly says I know baby, I saw it all, I've seen everything that's happened & I still ask you to come higher. The ways of the Kingdom are beyond the ways of the world. To be a fruit bearer you must absolutely die to the way your flesh desires to respond. God sees. He knows. He cares & for our good He still calls us to raise our standard to His. He doesn't change. He can't. He would be a liar if He justified our hurting & our tendency to hold onto hurts(that only hinder us in the end). No God in all circumstances sticks to His WORD no matter what has come to visit us in the wilderness & HE uses it to train us, if we will allow it. He prepares us for war against the enemy by using our trials for our good. You want to soar? You want to punch the devil in the face & makes sure he doesn't forget you? Then raise up, seek God for every move you make & by all means forgive, love, walk in peace, put to death your flesh.. Just like any lover, God(the lover of your soul) is jealous for ALL of you, your complete entirety, the deepest places you weren't aware of. The secret places you've worked tirelessly for years to cover up only to bear bad fruit such as anger, gossip, lying to keep up the dance that nothing is wrong. I'm here to encourage you to let His fiery love burn you in such a way that you are never the same, I encourage you to visit the most painful places & let the Living Water be poured into the dead, desolate places so that you are replacing all the lies of shame, guilt, worthlessness with TRUTH & you begin to BLOOM. He comes to declare you as His own, to place His seal over you heart. Don't be afraid of the wilderness…it's there you meet HIM up close & personal. He is the only one who WILL. EVER. TRULY. SATISFY. P.S...I'm beginning to see the most beautiful fruit come to life inside & I'm hell bent on teaching whoever will listen how God can do the same for you...

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame."~Song of Solomon 8:6

who i am in the Great I AM...

It took very little time to choose my word for 2014. Matter of fact all it took was stopping to think of what I desired to conquer in the coming year. The word that immediately came to mind & resonated deeply within was Authentic. I above all desire to be authentically happy, authentic in joy, and authentic when I love, authentic in worship, authentic in prayer. I want to conquer being distracted away from what truly matters. I have a mind that goes a hundred miles a minute. Constantly thinking. I want my mind to rest. To rest in simply being who God made me to be in all it's simplicity. I desire to be a powerhouse full of the Holy Spirit in 2014. I desire to be true to His will for my life. I refuse to focus on anything the world is selling & set my eyes alone on HIM. I want more revelation, visions, dreams, and intimacy with my Savior in 2014. This quote from Henry Ward Beecher really speaks to my heart right now& embodies much of how I'm feeling. I'm looking towards heaven & spreading JESUS to the world. May I be a sweet fragrance that lingers everywhere I've been. May my words be seasoned with love leaving a indelible mark. I want to focus on the glorious future of the Saints of God. I refuse to be melancholy, anxious, or impatient about what God has in store for me. I believe we are entering into the greatest time in history for the church! I am digging deeper in preparation and I can't wait.

"There are apartments in the soul which have a glorious outlook, from those windows you can see across the river of death into the shining city beyond. But how often are those neglected for the lower ones, which have earthward looking windows."Henry Ward Beecher

 "But thank God! He has made us his captives and continues to lead us along in Christ’s triumphal procession. Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume. 15 Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God. But this fragrance is perceived differently by those who are being saved and by those who are perishing. 16 To those who are perishing, we are a dreadful smell of death and doom. But to those who are being saved, we are a life-giving perfume. And who is adequate for such a task as this?" 2 Corinthians 2:14-16

when it all changed...

I feel compelled to write, lots to say. December has made it's way back to my life once again. I remember the roller coaster of my daddy's battle with cancer was nearing it's end this time two years ago. I learned a lot about myself & about God that year leading up to now. I'm not jaded at all, I've had the privilege to see the heart of God because of the despair I faced in his untimely death. To be honest when we all got news of his terminal illness I was pretty confident that God could & would heal my dad on this earth. I fasted because at that time I thought my fasting(going without food, just drinking juice & water)would somehow move God to answer my prayers for my daddy. Bare with me here. I also thought if I could give a big enough offering($$$) that God would honor my gift. I prayed, I cried, I prayed, then i cried some more but most of all I was changed.

I don't want to come across the wrong way at all with what I'm saying but I'm saying is that God is God and for a time I thought that He could be moved by what I did. I really wanted to believe it too, I did nothing short of beg Him. With everything in me, I begged. I would have done whatever He asked me to but you know what? He didn't ask.  I can tell you what He did do. Despite all my "doings" for the Lord. He came & He literally walked beside me. When I cried, He cried. When I was devastated He sat & He held me. He was a not genie in a bottle & He didn't make my trial magically "go away"but He did "come" and He "dwelled" with me, He still does.

What my heart is crying out is this. We can not earn, work, perform, achieve, perfect, etc. enough good deeds to reach Him. He's not waiting for you & I to do anything but to turn our hearts towards Him. Grace hit me square in the face when this all took place. It hit me so hard in fact that every ounce of religion that had been planted for years since my birth was rattled, shaken, turned on it's head. You see man made religion has done a number on who God is & what He wants. To be quite honest I think they've really done a pretty good job of running off those whose life don't have a lot of "good" in them. Had God not been so persistent in loving me & faithfully pursuing me, I may have been another number. I remember hearing well if your faith was big enough. That stung me to the core. Cause trust me I had mustered all the faith I could find at that point & it wasn't enough. Losing my daddy has been the single most devastating thing I've lived through up until now. I experienced more than I had anticipated and because of it December will never be the same for me.
I see the sacredness & beauty of Christmas, of the celebration of Jesus coming into a graceless world. Of fighting to shake things up & to dismantle the law. He alone threw grace on the scene & it took me until my adulthood to grasp the magnitude of the simplicity of what He had done.  I have very little care for the gifts, the frill, the commercialization of it all. I remember that Christmas Eve, I remember saying our last goodbyes that morning when he took his last breath and strangely going home that evening(at the suggestion of family) to try and make Christmas as normal as possible for my children(what a joke). I think I still have issues with us all going home to handle losing daddy, alone. But I wasn't alone. HE was there, He has always been there. I just had to choose to rest in faith that He loved me & had me in the palm of His hand.

I write this to tell you the law was abolished because a baby was born in a manger, grew to be a man, and full of innocence died not just for my sin but to reconcile me fully to God. No more separation, the veil was torn from the top down to prove NO MAN could have obtained what Jesus did. That's grace. That's why it's eludes most of us because we can't make sense of it. It's undeserved. The harder you work for it the more disillusioned you become. God doesn't require your money, your service, your words, your sweat to bless you. It makes little to no sense to me when I hear people make big deals out of money,trust me God doesn't need your money, He simply desires that you not serve it, He longs for us to be generous & to give when He says give. Whether it be paying for groceries at the grocery store for a momma who has her hands full, or paying for someones gas at the quick stop, you get the drift. God wants us to be generous & Spirit led. Most of the church may disagree with me but that's what I learned. I know also that grace is for EVERYONE. God sees hearts. It's that simple.
Don't let anyone convince you that you must do anything other than trusting God in faith that He alone by way of Jesus can save you. Don't let anyone convince you that you have to "work" a single second for your salvation because it's simply not true. In losing my daddy I gained a greater understanding of God's unconditional love & grace. I spent years thinking I had to "do" to get to Him when all along He wanted me to just "be" and rest in Him. I hope this holiday season you do too…

With love,
Katie

when Deep calls unto deep...

My hearts been heavy. God has been pulling me closer, taking me deeper. Teaching me about quiet time & prayer. I've been praying the scriptures. I let it take me into worship and recount the scriptures back out loud with worship laced into the Word. It's changing my life. I'm hearing clearer than before. I felt lead to share about it today. As I prayed Isaiah 64 and repeated verse one and asked God to rend the heavens, tear open the heavens and come down. Make Yourself known to us. As I was expressing all that God has been to me, I was especially touched as I kept reading into Isaiah 65. That's when He began to speak through the scriptures saying

"I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me; I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me. I said 'Here am I, here am I,' To a nation which did not call my name. I have spread out My hands all day long to a rebellious people, Who walk in the way which is not good following their own thoughts."Isaiah 65:1-2

Then I began to have a vision. I heard Him say you are a grace dealer, I will show you now. I see myself eagerly & urgently running towards the crowd of people. I see myself handing something out, looks like balloons. Grace is written on them, I am giving them to everyone who will take it. Many are resistant. They look at me with reservation. They think who is this stranger? I don't want that silly balloon. They see it as useless, unneeded. There are so many people, I am getting lost in the crowd. I see above the crowd now, I am seeing far above the crowd. I am the only one handing out these grace covered balloons. People are too busy to stop. I am aware that I am a tiny piece of a much larger puzzle. I am looking around in circles handing out these balloons...no one sees me.

This is what I hear next. My people reject Me. I am right before their eyes yet they can't see Me. I see the fires, the battles, the trials that seem they might be the end of them. And I wait, with wide open arms I wait. Help Me gather them together. Tell them of My great love for them. How I long to give them rest, How I desire above all to walk with them. To give them abundant life. I want them to make a decision. To stop trying to marry Me up with the world. I don't share. I am a jealous God. I want entire hearts not just small portions. I want a full time commitment not part time, every now & then visits. Am I Your everything as you say? Show Me. Spend time with Me. Let Me be the lead. Come NOW to Me, dwell amongst Me. I will be Your God and you will be My people...


I encourage you to read the entirety of Isaiah 64 & 65.


Spoken as it was given to me. I don't take what He says lightly. Crazy as it may seem. I write what I hear from His heart to yours.
Katie

oh, the webs we weave...

Today I want to address secrets. You know the things we pray no one ever finds out. I'm no stranger to secret keeping. Matter of fact I've experienced tormenting dreams of being found out, dysfunctional coping mechanisms, and down right fear of shame or embarrassment in my past. What I find relieving & full of hope is confession. You see once I confessed my "secrets" the enemy of my soul no longer had an avenue to get to me. He functions only out of darkness & keeping a deep, hidden secret is exactly that...darkness. What I find very interesting in scripture is the instruction to "confess your sins to one another" in James 5:16...

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.~James 5:16

Here we find the solution for many of the things that hinder us & ultimately make many of us sick. Physically, emotionally, or mentally sick. Secrets kill & rob us from living a life full of freedom. Let me explain how. Something happens in our life either from poor choices or things outside our control. The enemy first will guilt us & fear us into thinking that if we are "found out" we will suffer rejection, embarrassment and shame. That we are alone, weird, and worthless. All things none of us want to experience for any amount of time. We were made for acceptance & love not rejection & hate. So first we become guilty. Then over time we become tormented & reminded of that secret by the enemy because he is an accuser of the brethren, the one standing day & night before the Father bringing all our faults to mind. So now we become complacent. This secret begins to manifest itself in our behaviors & we often begin to build a wall around that place in our heart, that way the secret stays hidden safe from being discovered. But in the mean time we have lost apart of our trust and vulnerability and that my friends is the end place of bondage. We become prisoners of our own mistakes. And because we are prisoners we ultimately become slaves. Slaves to our past, to our hurts, and to the wickedness of the enemy. Chances are because you are a slave you attempt to enslave those around you by judging, accusing, and labeling them. It's simply because you are a slave & are subject to a slave mentality. Freedom is far from your heart & mind and you are stuck.

BUT there is HOPE!!! Here's where it gets good friends. Confession seems intimidating to most & unnecessary to some. But the truth is as long as we're holding on to something that needs to come out it will do more harm than good. I don't suggest just telling anyone. Matter of fact I would pray & ask God to lead you to someone you can trust. Someone who will support you, speak truth, and pray for you. Be careful who you entrust with such tender issues. Releasing the burden of holding secrets inside is a healing all it's own. Healing comes from confession. It's that simple. God can't invade a place with walls unless you let Him in. What, if anything is hiding inside & needs to be confessed to someone who can love you & point you to Jesus?  I personally have been completely released & freed when I finally told someone I trusted something I had kept secret from everyone around me. My husband is that person. It not only freed be but opened up a door for him to release things he may had been afraid to tell too. It allowed God to come right in the middle of our marriage & draw us closer to one another. For you it may be a counselor, a mentor, or a friend. I'm not talking about dredging up the past and sharing things that are unnecessary. I'm talking about the things that keep you up at night. That alter your vulnerability & trust with others. Release anything the enemy routinely uses against you to bring you shame or unworthiness and then pray with one another. We are in this together! We need each other. The prayers of the righteous are powerful & effective! Prayer works. Confession is precious when done with a fellow believer who will lift you up by praying. Expect results!

Be encouraged that God desires us to love without limits. Say a prayer tonight, meditate on God's Word, and begin to make the steps to be freed from the prison that secrets have built around you. The only thing stopping you now...is you!

Blessings sweet readers! So thankful to pour out my heart in hopes it will help someone else!

Katie

the last place you thought you'd be ask to die...

Let me just start out by saying this is not addressed to shame or scold anyone. I'm only addressing women in marriage & not men because I can only speak from what God has brought me through as a woman. I've battled dissatisfaction in my marriage more than once. This isn't my first marriage(so I know all about failure). But what I've found in my search for God's answer in my desire for more from marriage is pretty crazy & to many down right offensive but if you know me for any length of time you know I tell it like I hear it straight from the heart of God. What I hope to do in writing this is to paint a picture of God & His beloved bride…accurately & with love.

When we first meet & date the "one" we hold onto every word. The very words we often times eventually resent. You look at them in all their perfection just to one day be married & grow to a place that someones looks become meaningless. At one point all their idiosyncrasies made you feel all warm inside & now you've grown to a place of pure annoyance. Maybe you don't feel all these at once but on occasion my guess is you've most certainly felt them. Hollywood has done a number on painting a pretty stinkin beautiful picture of LOVE. BUT…Here in lie the problem & the ever increasing divorce rate in the world & the church. It's pretty darn obvious that the world began influencing the church (not the other way around) when we began to have the same chance of divorce as the unsaved world did. You may wonder OK what are you trying to say? Follow me here.

When I married my husband it was because I genuinely loved him. Everything about him. I still do. But somehow along the way I began to expect him to fulfill these romantic expectations that he had no idea I had created. So 7 years later & many times of frustration God has revealed to me something that as a child of God & one who so desperately desires more of Him, was a really surprising answer.

Can you imagine a human being fulfilling every single desire you ever had? I thought this existed. I really did. Until God proved to me otherwise. It's been over 4 years since I decided to relentlessly pursue God and all He was. In doing so I have encountered more pain than I ever expected. Pain? You may wonder. Yes pain and as a dear friend of mine so clearly stated not long ago "Precious in His sight is the death of His Saints"~Psalm 116:15. Most refer to that as an actual death but have you considered at any point in time that "dying to self" is death. Marriage is such an intimate connection with another that when you are flared by something they may have done you immediately begin taking score against them. But have you considered that the very thing that flared you is not the problem but the flare inside you is. What is it inside you that needs to die? Why is it easier to believe that everything that happens to us is someone else's fault? I learned a while back that if I wanted to grow into the woman God had called me to be that it would take a lot of self inspection then addressing many times being pruned by God to become more like His Son. How was I behaving, speaking, and carrying myself? Was this reflective of who I belonged to? Could others see Jesus in me?

 Let me tell you my marriage has been a reflection of myself more than I liked. God gave me a strong-willed man that was as stubborn at believing he was right as I did. I thank God for that now. Because I was unable to push my way around & demand my own way parts of Katie had no other choice but to die. And DYING to self HURTS. Something fierce. But God is so faithful & has rewarded that obedience time & time again. I've learned that my husband is my ministry and loving him is apart of my purpose here on earth. Holding his mistakes against him is voluntarily participating in the enemy's will for his life but forgiving & serving him is apart of God's will. The fact I could have been a willing participant in anything satan wanted to do makes me sick & even more determined but I'm guilty as charged. That's what opened my eyes to truth & freedom in my marriage. I'm still learning. No where near perfection I hold on to hope that God is not done with him yet. I choose daily to believe that I am apart of something much bigger than I can see & that is my husband's success for the Kingdom. I am no longer concerned with what he can do for me but what can I do to advance the Kingdom in my home & in the lives of those around me. How can I honor God better but by honoring my husband in word & deed. How can I worship God any more purely but by encouraging & speaking life into my marriage. The Bible is full of scriptures about love, submission, and honor…and for good reason. It's God's order of things. It's the apart of the path of righteousness, it's a stop on the path to be living blessed & favored.

My selfishness serves eternity nothing of purpose. That's how I choose to live, with eternity in mind. God is most glorified when we surrender our way & choose His way even when we have every right to give up. Which I'm totally guilty of in the past but I will fight until I'm gone to make sure my husband is supported, loved, and edified trusting God that He will finish & perfect the work He began in my man. Looking back we started out unequally yoked. (He was saved after years of praying & actively forgiving and loving) But I can tell you there isn't a bone in my body that regrets a tear, a hurt feeling, or frustration because in being the imperfect human being he is (we all are) he drove me to the feet of Christ. It pushed me with so much force that I wasn't backing down from moving forward. I meet the love of my life(Jesus) & will never be the same so in part I owe my husband my life…my soul. He loves his family & I well, he provides, he is loyal, always home, an attentive father, and my best friend. There's no way my demand for more of what the world tells me is love will stop me from finding the true answer to love in the Bible then gracefully and abundantly giving it to my husband. He is the most beautiful person I've met, His heart leaves me stunned. God has great big plans for him & if I had forsaken the call to be his wife & love him no matter what then he'll tell you himself, he never would have made it this far. There isn't a devil in hell that will rob me of giving of myself & knowing when I do so, God will restore me to overflow. Really, it all lay in the connection to Christ because without Jesus leading me we'd already had been a statistic and that's... real.


Katie Ramirez

enduring...

I find myself with longing for clarity or the a sign of hope in certain situations that currently reside in my life. I also find myself searching in all the wrong places, specifically people, for my answers. What never fails is the sweet Holy Spirit faithfully whispering to look up. I wonder how I've made it this far sometimes but I know…Jesus. I'm not sure why at this point I turn to people to find the fulfillment I so desperately need. I know it's alone in Christ but I type this because I believe most of us are guilty of this. We label it a blah day or a day from hell when it actuality it's us allowing our minds to be directed away from the place of rest in God. It's when I ignorantly put pressure on those around me to fill me up instead of first going to my Daddy God. I had an affectionate daddy who encouraged & doted over me. His shoes have been impossible to fill. I am so much like him with the gift of encouragement but what does the encourager do when there is no one who encourages them? They allow God to be their encourager. They dig deeper to seek His face because the gift that lay on the inside of them requires close connection with the Father for daily filling. If you spend your days pouring out and never getting filled back up you have a deficit that leaves you in the negative. But there are no negatives in God's Kingdom only overflow. Therefore as servants of Christ we must run daily to sit in His presence. Not just temporarily but a permanent place that we "dwell" meaning live, to stay. I have battled my heart, mind, and emotions much of my life. What I have found is that His presence changes my perspective immediately every. single. time. If I journey to sit in His love I win because of His victory achieved through Jesus on the Cross. It's the blood that screams love. It's the blood that screams freedom. And it's the blood that I must see myself covered by that brings about the most intimate, sacred love story ever known to man…

2 Corinthians 1:6

If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer.

James 1:2-4

Testing of Your Faith Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

1 Timothy 6:11

Fight the Good Fight of Faith But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.

trusting completely...

I've been jotting down for months various different truths that the Holy Spirit brings to my mind about the makings of a warrior. Here is an excerpt from a chapter I am currently working on for my book in regards to truly trusting God…


Once we believe we are righteous before God because of the blood of Jesus Christ, we will begin to behave righteously as a by-product. Apart from Christ no number of right actions will ever make us "right" with God.

God ever so precisely orders our footsteps. Despite our mistakes or our poor choices we are welcome at any point to return to the path He has laid before us. You see the road is narrow and wide is the gate that leads to destruction. Because of the narrowness of this road the journey gets bumpy and tight. To move forward on this pathway it is necessary to lighten our load. Meaning anything that would cause you to look back must be left behind so that you can continue. It will require laying down old habits & any ways that are not beneficial to your journey(Anger, control, gossip, bitterness, rage, doubt, unbelief). On this path it will require new thinking, a renewed mind, you will find it vital to be fueled directly by the scriptures which will quickly become your map.  You will be required to lean not on your own understanding but solely on God Himself. You will no longer look with your physical eyes but with eyes that see supernaturally. You discover this path is an adventure that not only challenges you but satisfies you in every way you ever thought possible. "You make known to me the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy at your right hand pleasures for evermore." This satisfaction in Christ alone frees you up to love others without condition & helps you see from God's perspective instead of your own. Your journey was predestined before time began. God knew exactly when you would surrender and heed the call on your life to follow Him. He delights that you have chosen what is good in following Him. Don't hesitate to proceed on this pathway. So much greatness will come through the struggles. Greater is He that is in you than he who is in the world. You my friend were created to not lay down without a fight. If you have chosen to read these words in this book then I believe they are for you. True freedom is here . Freedom to be all you have been created to be…a warrior

pure enjoyment...

This is the place I've longed for. The ability to live my life one day at a time & fully embrace it. To enjoy my husband's company & the many facets that come with being a hands on mom. To not feel like I was laboring in vein when washing dishes, sweeping, or cooking but finding delight in being a woman who takes care of her husband, children, and home just like it speaks of in Proverbs 31:13 "and works with her hands in delight(willingly)." I don't guess I realized that the very habits that kept me idle & docile also robbed me of being rewarded with a quiet, gentle spirit. It wasn't that God was holding back but that I was standing in His way. His path for me is God-led not Katie led. As hard as we may try our way is built & thought up by our own human minds. The bible is clear that God's ways are higher than ours yet we still think we know best. It's quite obvious to me now that I don't. Not without staying close to His side. I have been a Christian since a small child & a fully committed to seeking Him since 2008 yet 2013 has finally been the year of complete surrender to everything. The year I found what "rest" meant.  I've battled my mind for much of my life. Never enjoying the now because I was always contemplating the future or wishing something was different instead of letting it be the way it was & simply praying with faith that God would change what needed changing. I'm finally enjoying letting life flow & following God where He leads. I'm enjoying cherishing my life as simple & boring at times as it may seem...I reflect back on this day & smile because I felt the tangible experience of being found excellent in God's eyes & worth more than jewels and He did it through my husband & sons...

An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She looks for wool and flax
And works with her ^[a]hands ^[b]in delight.

Proverbs 31:10-13

obedience requires surrender...

Who knew that finally obeying that sweet little whisper to step away from my biggest distraction (facebook) would be so monumental to my level of peace. Who knew what faith & trust would begin to be built in the first few days after making the commitment to obey what He asks of me. I've put this off for months now.What I have immediately begun to notice & experience is His overwhelming peace. The thought comes "Why in the world did you wait so long?" This is exactly what I needed but didn't see. A time of resting, healing, and strengthening. The time to experience His peace that surpasses all understanding. Phil. 4:7 in the NASB uses the word comprehension in place of understanding. I believe that accurately sums up how I would explain what is occurring. A plethora of old hurts have started to  surface and faithfully He is healing each one. I'm certain there will be much more to come. Boy, distractions really divert us from seeing what lay beneath the surface of our hearts. What I'm understanding is that trusting God is outside of my human understanding. Alone I am unable to fully trust Him but when I obey in faith and do things outside of my comfort zone He is quick & faithful to reward that obedience with His peace. A peace so immeasurable that I can't even comprehend it's depths nor its abundant supply to me when I trust God completely. What stepping away from something I enjoyed yet spent entirely too much time occupied with has discovered is opened eyes & heart to hear Him speak. It's allowed my mind & heart to rest in Him and not be entangled in the affairs of others. In resting & quieting my spirit I'm finding strength. Strength in knowing that God is my All & All, my best friend, the lover of my soul. How had I not experienced this before you may ask. I did to a certain degree but then I felt a holding pattern begin to form. I had reached a plateau in my encounter with God because my failure to love something by spending more time occupied with it, than my Creator proved it. No matter what excuse I may have offered, my heart revealed the truth with my actions & my time commitment to something other than Him. It's not the same for all of us but we all have something that may be standing in the way of a deeper relationship with God. For me it was time to quit pretending that I hadn't heard Him ask me to step away. It was time to kill what had demanded my attention for far too long. It was time to remove any & all distractions in the way of what God had waiting for me. TRUST is key. I know by August I will have so much more to glean back on. We serve a faithful God who loves His children. So much so that He won't compete with anything or anyone. I just encourage you to ask of yourself...Is there anything & I mean anything holding you back? What needs to be put in it's proper place so that you can SOAR to new heights in Christ???

This scripture especially jumped out at me tonight & I felt so loved by my Daddy God. That's what I've notice too in these last few days...His tangible expression of love towards me through the scriptures...I stand amazed because tonight & in the days to come I'm entrusting my soul to a FAITHFUL Creator by doing what He has asked of me.

 Therefore, those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right.~1 Peter 4:19

fierce...

“Though she be but little, she is fierce!”

― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

I've loved that quote since I can remember. I've wanted to be little since the year I hit right over 5'11. I remember very vividly hitting 5'11 3/4 my sophomore year in high school. I know exactly how much because I father measured me on the wooden frame of our dining room french doors. I held onto that measurement because nothing in me wanted the taunting I was already receiving  for being so tall already. I was asked repeatedly by boys if I was 6'2 or 6'3 because in their  5'9 frame they desperately wanted to be 6 feet. I would learn that much later. Instead of embracing what made me different I allowed it along with other things to become what I would build as a wall of defense against the teasing. I've been fierce since I was a child. I remember being in trouble frequently for my mouth, God knows it was fierce, and my fiery little attitude. I was the middle child & only girl. I would say a tough fit between an older brother & the little brother who was just 16 months my Jr. I had no clue how to properly handle my fierceness so it was quite the problem for me growing up. I think even now at times that because of my height people assume I'm some form of fierce,  the word I hear most is intimidating. Can you imagine what that feels like? To have something about yourself stand out so much that it causes a variety of  words to be attached to your persona? Well, I think it's safe to say that every single word that was repeated to me as far as describing me I once allowed to become my identity. I remember loving as a young girl that my friends would come to me to "handle business" and to defend them with words. No body messed with my friends. I don't know that, that was ever me. I have a tender heart and care deeply about others and for years on end what they thought of me. I became whatever anyone needed me to be even if it meant intimidating because at least I was accepted or so I thought. 

Fast forward to my adulthood & this is what I've come to understand. Everyone has something to offer. We all have something that labeled us in our past that makes us feel less than. Thanks to God & His redeeming power I am able to embrace my height and refuse the labels that I once embraced as apart of who I was. I am not perfect but I am redeemed & that's enough for me & for you. Let's look at Jesus for a moment. You know the Savior of the world who hung around the sinners & tax collectors.(See Mark chapter 2) It all makes sense as a grown up to me. He didn't surround Himself with those who thought they were better than He was. No He sat right in the middle of brokenness & loved them. I think that's been a valuable lesson I've learned too. It doesn't represent Christianity well when we voluntarily keep hanging around with those who deliberately hurt us or tear us down. Have you ever noticed how accepting those are with little? They will share the last piece of bread with you. No questions asked. That's what I see Jesus doing. That's who I want to be & who I want to be around. He kept moving from town to town only keeping those close who as much as they could supported Him, defended Him and followed Him. 

Never let those who do not appreciate you, talk harshly about you, and pick out all the bad stuff stick around. My "fierce" hasn't left it's strong & active but now it looks a lot more like love than insecurity. I don't take defeat, stand up for what's right(I'm working on softening this), and cheer others on to victory in Christ. I choose to see the good & struggle when others sell themselves short of God's promises.

I may not be little...but I'm fierce!

Sorry not sorry...joy!

Have you ever noticed that when someone is happy that there's always a negative Nancy hiding in the background ready to steal any form of joy there is to be had? I'm speaking of what I have watched become a very active part of life as freedom in Christ became the foundation in which I stood. It's apparent in social media, groups of people, churches, etc. It's not something I would blame entirely upon people but I would most definitely attribute it to a combination of satan & the wickedness of the flesh. I think what bothers me most is the journey I traveled through hell to find freedom. The process of working through my misinformed mind & way of thinking. The mountains of self-hate I conquered & the day after day effort to become what God asked me to be and still am. When He called me to live His way it included the daily pursuit of obedience & the desire for holiness. I took it as a personal command when He told me "Be holy for I am holy" . I actually love the entirety of 1 Peter 1:13-16 "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."Holiness isn't perfection & it isn't labeled by men. It's a pursuit to live after God's heart. It's a way of life. I haven't "arrived" by any means to being all God has called me to be but I've come a long way.

My prayers sometime include asking God "why?" and most times I'm left with very few answers as to why people want to steal joy, or discourage others, or for just plain meanness. But I'm reminded I was once that way too and still can be if I'm not seeking God consistently. I'm encouraged when I read that I am apart of the body of Christ that is cheered on by Heaven to let our light shine! You see it's the flesh that creates a jealousy when we see others standing out & shining. The enemy would love nothing more than to create false thoughts in our minds about those we see enjoying life with simplicity. I guess I'm finally on the enjoying side of life and I refuse to allow anyone to assign me judgement. I love pictures & love capturing myself & kids as often as possible. One day I'll be old & gray and I'll take a picture of my smiling face then too. I'll keep sharing joy everywhere I go and posting encouragement for all to see.You see when you look at someone & "assume" you know their heart without getting to really know them you sell yourself short, not the other way around. We serve the world & the Kingdom of God absolutely no purpose when we don't embrace life & truly live it. So think the next time you want to complain or murmur about someone that is being themselves. Instead of finding something about them that bothers you try staring back at yourself and finding a way to be done with the negativity and purpose to start to shine too. STOP being an active participant that focuses on labeling flaws that God sees as delightful. Here's to shining & being apart of the light in the darkness with a smile on my face. If that bothers you here's a prayer that God's brilliance rubs off on you & you soon start to shine too!

Thank you Father for showing me love and in doing so teaching me how love is done. Help me to always realign my thinking with Yours. Create in me a pure heart with pure motives and help me to be a beacon of light that spotlights the darkness so that others can find their way to You. 

Redemption at it's finest...

Easter serves as the reminder that I wasn't good enough, worthy enough, or beautiful enough to make it back to God. It's the day I'm reminded that because of Jesus I am now, all of the above. Not on my on merit or by my own righteousness but because of Him! I stood in this mornings worship service & couldn't keep the tears from streaming(not that they don't frequently during worship) but this morning was different. Easter serves as a time of such deep reflection & thankfulness for me. That He is who He said He is. That because of Him all my ugliness is redeemed & made beautiful. I've felt waves of His love & peace wash over me today. Mostly because I feel very humbly thankful. I woke up made a big breakfast and when I was tempted to feel overwhelmed by the time crunch & the fact I was doing it all by myself, His victory gently reminded me to say "Thank you that I have this family & the ability to cook for them." Again at lunch something similar. I find it encouraging to live life aware of what knowing Him awards me. We have the mind of Christ therefore we can choose to love, think the best, be thankful, and enjoy what we have instead of the alternative murmuring & dissatisfaction. What I feel most today is the priceless gift we've been given on the Cross. I refuse to ever down play it's importance or glorify it into the Easter Bunny's day. When I sing the words "Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me." I will continue to probably get choked up because it's true. In all it's simplicity, I'm overwhelmed with a cup that overruns with His grace. The grace He so willingly offered for us all on the Cross & so valiantly displayed when He said "It is finished" Today is the 2,000th plus celebration of our redemption! Now that's something to shout, dance, and praise about!  Be blessed today!!

When God reveals your inner warrior...

What I'm about to share with you may click inside your spirit or completely weird you out. Either way I want to share of what has happened because it's been confirmed too many times to blow off as happenstance. A few weeks ago the Lord gave me a vision. It was me, I was reminded instantly of Katniss from the Hunger Games. I was standing in a off white dress. It was fitting but not tight so that it still identified my femininity, a gold belt accentuated my waist. I was immediately drawn to several things.

1.) I was muscular. It was obvious I was strong & agile. Able to defend myself easily from any outside attack  2.) My hair was down & rolled back, my head was adorned with a head band, I loved that. 3.) I was carrying a bow & arrow on my shoulder. It was my weapon & I was always aware of it's presence on my body 4.) I was looking around. I appeared to be on guard waiting for what mission I would be given next.

The picture was quick but my spirit hasn't stopped thinking about it for weeks now. I've shared it with close friends & had an interpretation but tonight after speaking to a friend via facebook I was confirmed again that the vision I saw was indeed from God. I don't feel like He was showing me so much what I physically looked like although my physical strength was emphasized. It was who I was to Him, in His eyes. It was who He saw when He looked upon me as His daughter. I believe this is how we should all begin to see ourselves as warriors ready for battle. 

Psalm 18:34 says "He trains my hands for battle, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze." vs 39 goes on to say, "For Thou has girded me with strength for battle…" I want to accurately portray this so that you feel it too. I want you to see that we are living in times that require our diligent training so we will be fully prepared for whats to come. We must be girded with the TRUTH of the WORD. We must be solid about what the bible says and to be leaders to those around us. We must walk in love but never compromise what Jesus died for. God has asked of us holiness. 1 Peter 1:16 says "Be holy as I am holy." Friends we must take the assignment to endure & fight the good fight.(1 Timothy 6:12)

What I hope you feel inspired to do after reading this is to dig in to God. Seek Him out & let Him show you what it is He would have you do to prepare. 1 Corinthians 9:25 speaks of this training. "Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." A crown that lasts forever!! Let us be strong, passionate, uncompromisable warriors! We are entering into a new season. Get excited & get prepared.