Sunday, March 18, 2012

Your peace is a melody…You sing it over me.

I haven't written in what seems forever…I'm entering into a season of healing, a season of restoration. The Lord hasn't left me although at times I have fought to find Him, to feel His presence. The death of my father has finally hit me like a ton of bricks lately. The tears are falling & I'm thankful. Holding all that in can be worse than the grief, if you ask me. Yesterday I found a recipe he had hand-written for me…again the tears flowed. I miss him so much it hurts at times. The dynamics of my family has been tremendously altered. I have often explained it as missing my arm or leg. It takes practice getting adjusted to such a loss. I lost the first man I ever loved, my encourager, the one who embraced me in his arms as if I was still his "little" girl and everything became alright again. I long for a hug, to touch him in some way…somehow. I am assured with hope that soon we will be reunited, this time forever. Thank you Jesus...I'm more than grateful for my husband who has stepped in and comforted me, who has shown me I will heal and survive, and ultimately who has lead our family through this loss. My children who by being themselves, busy, active, growing, have shown me life does go on. I'm learning to live again. I sense the repairing of my heart with every tear that drops. I can not put into words what it feels like when God pours His peace over me. It is tangible and makes every cell of my body feel alive once again. God has shown Himself faithful over and over and over again. I pray that through the transitions we are making that God enlightens our friends that may feel neglected or ignored. I truly feel like the Lord is being very specific about who it is I share with and minister to in this season. I would be hard pressed to have been given better people to endure this season with me. It has been life changing. I am thrilled about where God is leading us though. Entering into a "new season" that requires the leaving of all the old and the embracing of what He has for us has been uncertain at times but We have chosen to follow God in the dark, and He has richly rewarded us for it. I see the horizon again. It is the regeneration of Katie, never to be the same again, but stronger, more compassionate, more sensitive to the hurting, the broken, the lost. I would walk this all again if it meant my heart would be more like my Jesus. I've learned what it really means to partake in the sufferings of Christ and for that... I. WILL. NEVER. BE. THE. SAME.

“But true wisdom and power are found in God; counsel and understanding are His … He uncovers mysteries hidden in darkness; He brings light to the deepest gloom.” (Job 12:13,22)

♥ ♥ ♥ Katie