Sunday, April 28, 2013


“Though she be but little, she is fierce!”

I've loved that quote since I can remember. I've wanted to be little since the year I hit right over 5'11. I remember very vividly hitting 5'11 3/4 my sophomore year in high school. I know exactly how much because I father measured me on the wooden frame of our dining room french doors. I held onto that measurement because nothing in me wanted the taunting I was already receiving  for being so tall already. I was asked repeatedly by boys if I was 6'2 or 6'3 because in their  5'9 frame they desperately wanted to be 6 feet. I would learn that much later. Instead of embracing what made me different I allowed it along with other things to become what I would build as a wall of defense against the teasing. I've been fierce since I was a child. I remember being in trouble frequently for my mouth, God knows it was fierce, and my fiery little attitude. I was the middle child & only girl. I would say a tough fit between an older brother & the little brother who was just 16 months my Jr. I had no clue how to properly handle my fierceness so it was quite the problem for me growing up. I think even now at times that because of my height people assume I'm some form of fierce,  the word I hear most is intimidating. Can you imagine what that feels like? To have something about yourself stand out so much that it causes a variety of  words to be attached to your persona? Well, I think it's safe to say that every single word that was repeated to me as far as describing me I once allowed to become my identity. I remember loving as a young girl that my friends would come to me to "handle business" and to defend them with words. No body messed with my friends. I don't know that, that was ever me. I have a tender heart and care deeply about others and for years on end what they thought of me. I became whatever anyone needed me to be even if it meant intimidating because at least I was accepted or so I thought. 

Fast forward to my adulthood & this is what I've come to understand. Everyone has something to offer. We all have something that labeled us in our past that makes us feel less than. Thanks to God & His redeeming power I am able to embrace my height and refuse the labels that I once embraced as apart of who I was. I am not perfect but I am redeemed & that's enough for me & for you. Let's look at Jesus for a moment. You know the Savior of the world who hung around the sinners & tax collectors.(See Mark chapter 2) It all makes sense as a grown up to me. He didn't surround Himself with those who thought they were better than He was. No He sat right in the middle of brokenness & loved them. I think that's been a valuable lesson I've learned too. It doesn't represent Christianity well when we voluntarily keep hanging around with those who deliberately hurt us or tear us down. Have you ever noticed how accepting those are with little? They will share the last piece of bread with you. No questions asked. That's what I see Jesus doing. That's who I want to be & who I want to be around. He kept moving from town to town only keeping those close who as much as they could supported Him, defended Him and followed Him. 
Never let those who do not appreciate you, talk harshly about you, and pick out all the bad stuff stick around. My "fierce" hasn't left it's strong & active but now it looks a lot more like love than insecurity. I don't take defeat, stand up for what's right(I'm working on softening this), and cheer others on to victory in Christ. I choose to see the good & struggle when others sell themselves short of God's promises.

I may not be little...but I'm fierce!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Sorry not!

Have you ever noticed that when someone is happy that there's always a negative Nancy hiding in the background ready to steal any form of joy there is to be had? I'm speaking of what I have watched become a very active part of life as freedom in Christ became the foundation in which I stood. It's apparent in social media, groups of people, churches, etc. It's not something I would blame entirely upon people but I would most definitely attribute it to a combination of satan & the wickedness of the flesh. I think what bothers me most is the journey I traveled through hell to find freedom. The process of working through my misinformed mind & way of thinking. The mountains of self-hate I conquered & the day after day effort to become what God asked me to be and still am. When He called me to live His way it included the daily pursuit of obedience & the desire for holiness. I took it as a personal command when He told me "Be holy for I am holy" . I actually love the entirety of 1 Peter 1:13-16 "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."Holiness isn't perfection & it isn't labeled by men. It's a pursuit to live after God's heart. It's a way of life. I haven't "arrived" by any means to being all God has called me to be but I've come a long way.

My prayers sometime include asking God "why?" and most times I'm left with very few answers as to why people want to steal joy, or discourage others, or for just plain meanness. But I'm reminded I was once that way too and still can be if I'm not seeking God consistently. I'm encouraged when I read that I am apart of the body of Christ that is cheered on by Heaven to let our light shine! You see it's the flesh that creates a jealousy when we see others standing out & shining. The enemy would love nothing more than to create false thoughts in our minds about those we see enjoying life with simplicity. I guess I'm finally on the enjoying side of life and I refuse to allow anyone to assign me judgement. I love pictures & love capturing myself & kids as often as possible. One day I'll be old & gray and I'll take a picture of my smiling face then too. I'll keep sharing joy everywhere I go and posting encouragement for all to see.You see when you look at someone & "assume" you know their heart without getting to really know them you sell yourself short, not the other way around. We serve the world & the Kingdom of God absolutely no purpose when we don't embrace life & truly live it. So think the next time you want to complain or murmur about someone that is being themselves. Instead of finding something about them that bothers you try staring back at yourself and finding a way to be done with the negativity and purpose to start to shine too. STOP being an active participant that focuses on labeling flaws that God sees as delightful. Here's to shining & being apart of the light in the darkness with a smile on my face. If that bothers you here's a prayer that God's brilliance rubs off on you & you soon start to shine too!

Thank you Father for showing me love and in doing so teaching me how love is done. Help me to always realign my thinking with Yours. Create in me a pure heart with pure motives and help me to be a beacon of light that spotlights the darkness so that others can find their way to You.