When faith requires depth...

I have neglected what I've been gifted to do for Christ. To write what I hear Him saying. So here I am having not written since February. That's 6 months. Half a year. In other words...way too long. I've been carrying heaviness much of the latter part of this week & tonight I laid it down & listened closely while my heart emptied itself at His feet. I just sat there with Him. Making sure I knew that He was as close as my heart beat. So tender & just is He. As I asked about the children being innocently murdered in Iraq...my question was WHY? He quickly answered "They are no less dear to my heart than the millions of children murdered every year in America." I could hear the hurt as He spoke & the absolute disgust about the topic. He cares for the children...All of His children. Not the ones we chose to keep but those who are thrown away like the weekly garbage. Those that are neglected so parents can fulfill their fleshly desires. He asks me "What about those children? Will you pray for them? Will you grieve for their souls too as you do those in Iraq?" I was humbled. I was ever so gently & lovingly rebuked. Wake up America. Wake up...what have we tolerated for so long that we no longer are grieved about? Why does it take a visual representation on the news to stir our hearts to pray for His purpose. Why are we not more eager to pray until breakthrough? Instead I have been guilty of watching the news & not handling the fear that started to sneak in. I am guilty of not immediately handing it back to Him & letting Him direct me how to pray sooner. This country needs the prayer warriors to stand up. We need the complacent to get really uncomfortable & to seek His face for their reason to be alive. As I opened my bible I turned by chance to 2 Samuel 22. Verse 5 jumped out at me "When the waves of death surround me, The floods of ungodliness made me afraid." That's it. That's the ticket. I've allowed what's going on in the world to make me afraid but instead of addressing it. I somehow internalized it & that brings confusion. I remember as a little girl if I was afraid, wounded, or hurt tears were my natural response. Now I have to search for those tears. Work through the emotions I often think I'm feeling but indeed it's the deep desire to weep. To weep because I don't know & sometimes things plain old hurt.  I can't tell the future but I know in whom my future is secure. I'm learning to not hesitate so long. To release it even when it's childlike tears because I'm scared. I was comforted as I read on in 2 Samuel 22 to verse 7"In my distress I called upon the Lord, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry entered His ears." Yes...when we worship(which was done in the temple towards God) His ears are opened & He hears me. He hears you.  David was speaking of God's deliverance from Saul & his enemies through His prayers & as he prayed that "The earth shook & trembled; the foundations of heaven quaked and were shaken, Because He was angry." Verse 9 "Smoke went up from His nostrils, and devouring fire from His mouth; Coals were kindled by it." Verse 10 " He bowed the heavens also, and came down with darkness under His feet." Chapter 22 goes on to explain how God intervened for David, His beloved. Friends that is our God too! He hears as we pour out our hearts. Are you heavy laden? His burden is easy & His yoke is light...because He carries the burden of the load. He says "Give it to me! Give me what scares you & know that just like I did for David I will handle your enemies swiftly. You are my beloved. I hear your humble heart cry out for Me to intervene & I shall call you up to rest here with Me. Will you? Will you make it habit to spend this time with Me? Will you not hold on to thoughts so long?" You can trust Him. He gives peace that the world hasn't known. His will is to impart the Kingdom of Heaven through you, through me. I have procrastinated with the best of them, no longer. The world is wide open & in desperate need. We must continue to dig deeper. To sit before Him & let His love perfect us. You know doubting doesn't cease to exist until we believe Him. So like a child I will sit in expectation that what He said He will do. I don't have to be afraid, not ever. This is how faith establishes it's roots deep within the soil of our hearts. This is how we are taught how to love like Jesus. How to be obedient to His nudge. The world needs you. More than anything the world needs us to walk in His truth. Sons & Daughters of the Living God, all of heaven is waiting on You! Trust Him. He is a faithful Father...I call on His name and He hears me...boy does that bring this weary heart comfort tonight.

All my love,
Katie "Joy"

No one told me...

I asked for more of Jesus. To partake in His sufferings. To be given a heart to love like Him. To see with His eyes. To walk like Him & to take on His likeness. What I didn't expect. What they forget to tell you is that the rain will come, the wind will blow against your house, the hail will be so hard you think the roof might come down. No one told me the storm would rage all around me like it has. No one told me the affliction that would visit & make it's home with me. No one told me that the only way compassion is birthed is through the experience of loss. No one told me how lonely I would feel or how I would question my Savior the way I have I ashamedly admit. No one told me that the fire would get so hot that my only thoughts would be whirling around escape. No one told me that when I asked for more of Jesus that it came at such a high cost. No one mentioned the tangible pain that would visit so regularly for seasons on end. But can I be the one to tell you that it's all worth it. That no scheme of hell could intimidate this warrior. You see what I can tell you is only those who are willing to die truly live. What I can tell you is who you think you are is a shadow of who you are in Him. I can confidently tell you that you will not be utterly forsaken. What I will shout is His arm is not too short that it can not reach out to you. His ear not to deaf to hear your cry. I declare right now that you will move forward & walk out from that wilderness. I declare that the gift of His fire will leave you pure & spotless before the King. I speak the overflowing power of Yeshua course through your very blood supply & that your heartbeat be a reminder of His watch over your every move. I declare that fire fall & you endure until He has completed His work in you...

Come up higher...

Ponder with me for a moment…

If there is to be fruit in my life…I must completely die to self so that what is resurrected in the passing of my flesh (my way, my distorted thoughts, my strongholds) is truly BEAUTY for ashes.(Isaiah 61:3) For it is the Living Water provided in Jesus Christ that causes me to BLOOM in fullness & bear fruit, not for my glory but for the Father's alone. Pain often visits fruit bearers in the early days & unexpected times when we get complacent . Not to hurt us but to inflict enough disturbance that the hidden dark places of the heart are revealed & pruned away. I will tell you the way I have come to understand my Daddy God. When I am betrayed & have every reason to justifiably be hurt, He says my child forgive. I toss back & forth saying BUT what about me? He lovingly says I know baby, I saw it all, I've seen everything that's happened & I still ask you to come higher. The ways of the Kingdom are beyond the ways of the world. To be a fruit bearer you must absolutely die to the way your flesh desires to respond. God sees. He knows. He cares & for our good He still calls us to raise our standard to His. He doesn't change. He can't. He would be a liar if He justified our hurting & our tendency to hold onto hurts(that only hinder us in the end). No God in all circumstances sticks to His WORD no matter what has come to visit us in the wilderness & HE uses it to train us, if we will allow it. He prepares us for war against the enemy by using our trials for our good. You want to soar? You want to punch the devil in the face & makes sure he doesn't forget you? Then raise up, seek God for every move you make & by all means forgive, love, walk in peace, put to death your flesh.. Just like any lover, God(the lover of your soul) is jealous for ALL of you, your complete entirety, the deepest places you weren't aware of. The secret places you've worked tirelessly for years to cover up only to bear bad fruit such as anger, gossip, lying to keep up the dance that nothing is wrong. I'm here to encourage you to let His fiery love burn you in such a way that you are never the same, I encourage you to visit the most painful places & let the Living Water be poured into the dead, desolate places so that you are replacing all the lies of shame, guilt, worthlessness with TRUTH & you begin to BLOOM. He comes to declare you as His own, to place His seal over you heart. Don't be afraid of the wilderness…it's there you meet HIM up close & personal. He is the only one who WILL. EVER. TRULY. SATISFY. P.S...I'm beginning to see the most beautiful fruit come to life inside & I'm hell bent on teaching whoever will listen how God can do the same for you...

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame."~Song of Solomon 8:6